I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning to sail my ship

-Louisa May Alcott

It has been two weeks now since Jack was born. I believe that we have gone through more emotion in that short amount of time than we have ever had in our entire lifetimes. It has been hard and will continue to be, but it could be a lot harder. We are lucky to have the support of our family and friends. It is so true that when the darkness comes, the stars in your life shine through. And I will be forever grateful to everyone who has been helping us through these times. While we have had family and friend support, we have also gotten cards, flowers, notes and well wishes from co-workers which has been really nice. I have tried my best to keep up with thanking everyone but if I missed you, my apologies.

Now we are looking at taking care of ourselves for a while. Healing is the main focus for this summer as well as trying to find a cause for why all of this happened. As I posted on Facebook, my doctor (Finazzo if you are interested), told me at my one week check up that I may be a carrier of a bacteria that is known to eat through placenta walls. He said it is a very rare thing that lives in a womans private areas. Normally, it doesn’t bother a woman at all and she has no idea it is even there. But when she becomes pregnant, that is when there are issues. Forgive me but I cannot even begin to remember the full name of the bacteria, once I get the test done though to check me for it in June, I will post it because I think it might be a test worth getting if you are pregnant. I know it wasn’t offered to me because of the cost but I would have been willing to pay it, had I known. It is treatable with antibiotics throughout the pregnancy.

Another possibility in “why” arena is that I don’t produce enough progesterone in my body to naturally sustain a pregnancy. My levels were never checked because up until now, I showed no reason for my levels to not be normal. So when I become pregnant in the future, the doctor will check my levels right away and more than likely, I will be placed on progesterone injections. They will do this either way, simply because I will be high risk and these injections increase the likelihood of a successful pregnancy. I asked why everyone can’t have these shots because it would seem like we would all want to increase our chances of a healthy baby. The doctor pointed out that this hormone is only able to be produced in small quantities (by cows I believe….?) and synthesized for humans in small doses which are reserved for people who need them the most. I feel very lucky that I am going to be able to get these shots.

In the future I will also be seen by a high-risk doctor as well as my normal doctor throughout my entire pregnancy. This brings me some comfort, to know that I will be closely monitored. I didn’t know any of this until just a short time ago and I hope that my sharing it with you will help you on your journey or maybe somebody you know on their path to becoming a parent. I digress……

I believe in my heart that Jack was being the best big brother in the world by giving his life so that our future children can come to us. Without him, I would have never known any of this, I would not be able to get special treatment and I wouldn’t know what to watch out for. He is and was a real miracle for us and we will honor him by working with the March of Dimes to raise funding for premature babies and their families.  And I look forward to mine and Dustin’s future together with Jack carried in our hearts as he leads us to where we need to go.

I hope that you will let Jack and his story make you a better person the way he has made us better people. If you ever have questions for me, or if you would like to know about Jack please don’t be afraid to ask us. Yes we might get a little teary eyed but you won’t hurt us by asking. He is our child and we want to share him with as many people as we can.

With that, take care my friends. We shall walk this winding pathway together and hopefully find our joys again.