Alone with myself
The trees bend to caress me
The shade hugs my heart.
~Candy Polgar

It seems that as of right now, our little Jack has yet to find his resting place. The hospital accidentally sent him to Wayne State for cremation without his signed death certificate. So, he had to be turned back to the hospital until his paperwork is completed. I only found this out because I called today to inquire about the cemetary at which he will be buried. I also found out that the college only buries cremated babies once a year, with a memorial service in the beginning of May. We will have to wait until next year.

I’m not certain how I feel about all of this. Part of me is grateful that this program exists, because it is free and we could not afford a funeral. But I am also sad that my baby is hanging in limbo, waiting to be rested somewhere. It is an uneasy feeling in my heart. However, the cemetary that he will eventually make his way to is very nice (located in Novi, across from 12 Oaks Mall) and I am glad that he will be buried with other babies. That way, he will not be alone.

In the meantime, I am desperately searching for a place that does memorial trees. I would really like to dedicate a tree to Jack and get a stone made so we have someplace to go to remember him. Not that we won’t go to the cemetary when we can, but we would also like something a little closer to home as well. If anyone knows of any place that is putting in trees or does something like this, I would really appreciate your help.

On a more cheery note, my mom, mother in law and myself are planning to take home-made blankets to the NICU where Jack was to help cover the incubators that other premie babies are in. The blankets that they have now are not the right dimensions and light still gets in. The babies are really sensitive and light can bother them. So we thought this would be a good thing to do.

I am also planning on having a team to walk in the March of Dimes- Walk for Babies next April. They even have it to where you can have shirts with your babies picture printed on them to designate who your team is walking for. I thought that was really cool. So if anyone is interested in being on team Jack, let me know so I can keep you in the loop. I hope to organize a large kick off fundraiser event, (not sure what yet…) probably in January to get things rolling.

Also on a “rebellious” note I suppose, myself, Dustin, and his brothers are all planning to get tattoos in Jacks memory. I am getting his little foot and hand prints with his name and birthday. I’m not sure what everyone elses plans are as of yet. It will be interesting to see if the boys can handle the pain, I already know that I can. 🙂

We have already donated to some charities in Jack’s name, the Southeast Michigan Land Conservancy is one as well as the March of Dimes. I think we will continue to make this our practice for remembering Jack. Next Christmas, we are also planning to donate a BUNCH of toys to Toys for Tots as well.

I’m not sure why I felt like sharing all of this just now, I guess I just wanted to think about Jack for a bit. He makes me happy and inspires me to do more. I think I also wanted to let people know about all of these things in case you want to be involved or if anyone has any advice or ideas, it would be good to hear from you. Until next time.