“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”

– Ben Okri

 

Tonight I wanted to touch on a subject that is both sad, and very taboo to people. Not because I feel like being dark, but because a person close to me decided they ought to attempt this today. (They are ok now, they reached out for help). This particular post might be a TMI for people who don’t know me very well, or maybe an eye opener. Either way, I’ve warned you. I am going to be very honest because that is how I am with my blog.

Last December, my Uncle committed suicide. It was, at that time, one of the most tragic deaths my family had ever experienced. I realized at that moment, the concentric ripples of after effect that suicide has on those left behind. You go through shock because it is just too horrible to imagine. And your heart breaks because you know that this person felt so alone in the world, that they chose death over reaching out to you. And it hurts, it hurts tremendously.

Guilt is another companion after suicide because you blame yourself for not reaching out to that person. For not finding some way to stay connected. You find ways to blame yourself that you didn’t even know you could think of before. That is the nature of things when someone takes their own life. While they may be at peace, they leave the world behind in chaos and sadness.

I think anyone who goes through something extremely traumatic can reach a point where they consider suicide a way out of their pain. It sounds good at the time, because you are hurting so much from whatever is happening around you. When Jack died, I honestly could have gone with him at that moment, I really could, because I was just that heartbroken. For me though, because I lived through and saw the after effects of my Uncle’s death, I knew how much hurt and pain my death would cause everyone on top of loosing Jack too. I could not do that to the people I love, Dustin especially.

When I spoke to this person tonight, I told them my experience and explained how badly I saw people hurt for my Uncle. I can only hope that his story touched this person enough that they will seek the help the need. In many ways, my uncle has helped me and now hopefully someone else. I would like to think that this is a positive legacy he has left behind.

I would encourage anyone reading this to keep in mind that sometimes people who seem to be doing just fine, might be really hurting deep inside. Talk to your friends or family members, try to be open to them, just in case there might be a time when they need to reach out to you. If you ever need it, there is a suicide prevention hotline which is manned 24/7:  1-800-273-TALK.

If you yourself and in a place where you feel like there is no one who cares or no one to listen, please stop. Just stop for a moment and call the hotline or anyone you like. Just reach out. Don’t suffer in silence, there are people who care about you. Don’t let yourself be swallowed up by the dark times, there is light in the world, I have seen it.

~EH

 

 

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