Writing eases my suffering… writing is my way of reaffirming my own existence.”- Gao X

As some of you may know already, I have been attempting to write a book about our experience with loosing Jack. To tell his story so that other families can know that the things that they are experiencing are normal and they are not alone. However, I keep running up against one main obstacle. I cannot bring myself to write about Jack dying. I wrote it once, when we first got home from the hospital, to let people know what had happened. But since then, I have not been able to revisit it. For me, it is revisiting a nightmare.

That leaves me with a serious case of writers block, considering Jack is the whole reason I am writing this book and people are going to want to know what happened to him. I would use my original story but so much is left out of that one recollection, partly because I was still in shock when I wrote it, and also because we have learned a lot more since then.

I have thought about going on to write other parts of the book, maybe just skipping this chapter, for now but I can’t. I thought that maybe when the due date came and went I would come to a “reckoning” and be able to do it but I am still at a loss.

That is what got me to thinking about maybe taking things into a different direction. Maybe instead of writing just about Jack, I could include other people’s experiences as well? So that people who read this book later on can hear from a variety of other parents, not just us. I thought about finding people who have experienced different kinds of baby loss (miscarriage, still birth, SIDS) so that the book can helpful to a wider audience of men and women.

I don’t know, I guess these are just ideas right now. I would love other people’s feed back though on what you think or if you have any suggestions on how to break the writer’s block, I’m all ears.

~Emily

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