If you are a newly bereaved Baby Loss Momma, please don’t read this post if it will be too difficult for you. I do not want to cause anyone any sadness and if you would rather not hear about this through facebook, please let me know so I can add you to a message filter. I will not be offended in any way, I totally understand. Thank you.-EH

“Rainbow babies: In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as “Rainbow Babies.” The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. “Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope”.
-Baby Center.com

This week Dustin and I found out that we are expecting our Rainbow baby in July of 2011. It is very early on in the pregnancy and usually, I think we would wait until the first trimester had passed to share the news. But we have decided that should something happen to this baby we would like people to know why we are so sad and also because this baby could use all of the good thoughts and positive energy it can get sent its way!

We have affectionately nicknamed this little one “Tater-Tot” because so many of the other cute nick names have been used lately. I thought this was a little unique. We are on our 4th week now and the doctors have taken two blood tests from me to confirm that my hormones are indicating good progress, which thankfully, they are. I go to the doctor’s on Monday to learn how to give myself injections of a blood thinner called Innohep. I am also taking pre-natal vitamins, Folgard and until I get the shots, my baby aspirin. I am not yet sure if I will be put on progesterone injections or not. My first regular OB appointment is not until the first week of December but my High Risk doc (Dr. Mason-Yeahhh!!!) has been handling things for me thus far.

We are very very CAUTIOUSLY optimistic and every day we make it through is a gift. Many women who have MTHFR experience miscarriages and so this is going to be an extremely nerve-racking trimester. When we get into the second, things will get a little less risky in the miscarriage area, but I am still at a high risk for pre-term birth (because we have had a preemie before). So in a nutshell, we are scared out of our minds.

Every time I use the bathroom (not to be graphic) I am terrified that I will be bleeding. Every ache, every slight cramp, every pain sends my heart into a panic. I am trying to be calm but I think Dustin is as scared, if not more scared, than I am.

Then there is this whole feeling of guilt. I don’t want people to feel like we are “moving on” from Jack and forgetting about him. That is not the case AT ALL. We love Jack and he is our first-born baby always. And believe me, his little tater tot will know that they made it to this earth because he helped them get here.

So, I don’t really know what else to say at this point. I will be blogging about our little tot as we progress and if anyone has any good suggestions for relaxing I am open to them. Especially if you have had a rainbow baby before. Like my disclaimer said above, if you would rather me not include you in my facebook posts about the baby, please let me know. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I know how hard it is to hear about other people’s babies. I get it, I totally do.

Here’s to Hope~