We Are Planting A Red Bud Tree in Jack's Honor on His Birthday. Notice the Heart Shaped Leaves.

This weekend, as we celebrate our mom’s for bringing us into this world there are many of us who find this to be, perhaps one of the most bittersweet of days. The many women who have suffered from infertility or from having lost a child can wear a heavy burden the second weekend in May. I hope that you will join me in honoring these women, these forgotten mother’s, as they struggle to make it through another year without their babies or without conception. Surely as you are out buying your mom flowers, or jewelry or whatever else the television tells us to get them this year, you can spare a passing thought for these women. I know I will carry each of them in my heart that day.

Which brings me to my own personal mother’s day. This will not be my first. And so help me, if someone wishes me a happy “first” mother’s day, I will not be able to bite my tongue. Jack gave me my first mother’s day. And it was beautiful. I got to fill out is birth certificate that day along with having visitors bring me “Happy Mother’s Day” balloons. We got to take our family members to the NICU to meet our little tiny sweet raisin baby. (I said he looked like a raisin to the doctor’s when he was born, he was red and wrinkly!). We got to share the day with nurses who had spent the entire week helping me make it as long as I could go. Dustin got to see Jack’s eyes open and was able to watch the NICU team work on him. And in the end, at the very end of the night, I got to sing to him. I sang:

You Are my Sunshine, My Only Sunshine;
You Make Me Happy, When Skies are Gray-
You’ll Never Know Dear, How Much We Love You-
Please Don’t Take, Our Sunshine Away….

I was the only Mom in the NICU that night when I sang to Jack. I stood there and sang and he turned his little face towards me and listened. I knew he could hear me because his little cries were soothed by my voice. It was that moment when I knew I had fallen into the deepest love I would ever know. It was then that I felt like I was really a mom. And I had never even gotten to hold him.

And so this Sunday, as it is Jack’s First Birthday and Mother’s Day, I am going to do my very best to remember him in that sweet, precious moment. Because it was our moment. It was the moment he made me a mother.

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