Dear Jack,

For your birthday we planted you your Red Bud Tree. I hope you like it. It blooms with pretty pink flowers in the springtime and it has heart shaped leaves. We put some nice flowers around the bottom of it too, along with the little bird figurine Amanda got for us and the little racoon statue we pass between our family. I also have a steppingstone there for you until we can get one made with your name on it. Since we planted it, the backyard is a lot greener and there is actually grass around the tree now. It’s starting to come together nicely.

We also donated to several charities in your name. And not just any charities, but local charities started by other bereaved parents doing good work in honor of their babies. Just like we have done for you. I thought that this would make you proud, I hope it did.

On your actual birthday we visited your stone at Michigan Memorial Park and boy it was busy (on account of mothers day too I suppose). But it was beautiful that day. And I am glad we went. Your grandparents all left little gifts to you there. Later that day your daddy baked you a cake and we had your family over to celebrate your life with us. It was bittersweet, not having you there to smash that cake into your hair. But it was nice to have everyone take the time to remember you, because you are a part of us.

I miss you so much today. I sat in your little brothers room in our rocking chair and thought about how much I would have enjoyed holding you in my arms. How fun it would have been to decorate your little room and to make it your own, just like we have for your brother. So much of what we do for him now has you in it also. Everytime I reach a new milestone for your brother, I thank you for getting us there. You really are the reason why we have come this far. And if, for some reason, your brother is destined to be with you, then please promise mommy you will take care of each other. Because I don’t know what kind of broken mess you would both leave behind, but it wouldn’t be good, not for a long long time. And I need to know that you will watch over him for me.

Please know that tomorrow, during our baby shower for your brother, I will be thinking about you too. I have not forgotten you in any way and I never ever will.

I love you, with all of my stitched together heart.

~Mommy

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