Piglet sidled up to Pooh.
“Pooh,” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw, “I just wanted to be sure of you.””
~Winnie the Pooh

We all have our friends that we’ve come to lean on during times of stress, times of joy and times of sorrow. Whether they be people we know in person, or someone we met on a social networking site like Facebook. These are people who have helped us in one way or another.  They may have held us when we cried, or “LOL”ed with us online, no matter what- they were there.

So what do you do when your group of friends experiences sadness after sadness? How do you help them? That is what I am asking today. Due to our unfortunate luck, my husband and I fell within that 1 and 4 chance of a pregnancy ending in a loss. We have a lot of friends who are the 1 in 4 too. And it seems that lately, the odds have just not been with our friends yet again.

I’m so saddened and heartbroken for these women. To have to go through a loss once is cruel, but to have to endure the repeated heartbreak again and again is inhumane. I just want to reach out and hold these women. But there is nothing you can do to take that pain away. All you can do is be there, just like they were there for you.

I want my friends whom this post is dedicated to know that your children’s lives were not in vain. Each of them has had an impact on my life and on my heart. They will not be forgotten.

To those who read this and have had the good fortune not to be the 1 in 4 who experience a loss, I hope you take away this message. No matter what your friend is going through, don’t give up on them because you don’t want to cause them more pain. The pain is already there. Be there for them and just listen to them. Let them process what is going on in their lives with you. Believe me, when they have had some time to learn how to live again, they will thank you for it. When I think of the friends who were by our side when Jack died I think of two people in particular. Amanda and Robbie. They didn’t just say “call us if you need anything”, they made the effort to check on us. They came over and they asked us to come out with them. I remember going to visit Amanda after a time when I had stayed awake for 36 hours straight because I was delirious with my grief. I spent the hours before our visit, going cemetery to cemetery, crying for all of the babies who had no one there crying for them. And when I got to her house, she didn’t judge me when I told her where I had been. She said I looked really tired. But she never said “holy crap you’re nuts!”

I hope that this post reaches the people I’m thinking of tonight. That they know how sorry I am for their losses. And I hope that our friends know how thankful I am for having them this past year.

Thanks for reading.

~EH

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